Shaving the Yard

While waiting for our mower to be fixed, our yard grew quite a bit scraggly. It was in desperate need of a shave, and once we got the mower back, me and Abby took it upon ourselves to give it a clean cut.

Still waiting...

So despite that previous decision to keep one of the "clunkers" it turned out that we found another nicer car that only cost a bit more that it was gonna cost to fix up the Ford Expedition that we have, plus it had less mileage on it so it was an obvious choice. I am now a new (used) car owner! It's a cool feeling and I really like the car which definitely helps. Its a 2003 Chevy Impala with just a little over 89,000 miles on it. Here's the factory picture of it. It's basically the same as mine except mine doesn't have a spoiler.



Now having the car, I'm pretty much ready to leave. I'm all packed up and chomping at the bit. All that I'm waiting on is for my debit card to come in the mail.. Stupid me lost it the other week and I put off ordering one till last Friday and you know how long those take to get to your house. There of course wasn't one in the mail today so it may be a couple more days. Fingers crossed it'll come soon!

Stress or excitement?

So I kinda forgot just how stressful moving is, especially when you're moving out on your own and have to get all the details in place. But at the same time, it's quite exciting and very empowering as I'm making decisions on my own (although I'm not very good at that) and figuring out what I'm doing with my life.
The most recent mind-wrestling concerned the issue of whether to buy a "new" car and start building my credit or sticking with one of the cars we already have and save my money. I tell you if I had just been given the second option right away, I would've had no qualms with doing that. But being young and a guy, having test driven a couple nice used cars and getting pretty excited about getting one, having to revert back to the old cars is not so appealing. Now I know this is very immature and prideful and not a very good reason for buying a new car. But it's a human trait and I'm trying very hard to get over it. I know the smart, finacially sound decision would be to stick with the "clunker" and I'm okay with that now. It's funny cause this reminds me of my last post and what I had discovered there. I think Heavenly Father's trying to teach me that I have something that I need help with.
Let me end with a quote that my Aunt Julie told me that really reminded me of how the world works and what the smart options are:
"If you are willing to live like no one else now, than in a few years you'll be able to live like no one else." Words to live by.

Control

You know what I've found out is one of the hardest things for me to do?

Giving up control..

There are some of you out there who can relate, who understand how hard it is to have planned everything out, to know what you want and even have a sort of a plan to work it out; and then, someone comes up with a better plan. You know it's a better idea, you know it's better for you. But a part of you still yearns for that original want, that original plan. You stubbornly insist that your way is better. I seem to do this especially with my Heavenly Father's will, though it's definitely not limited to it. It's hard! You know the person has the experience and wisdom, and you want to trust them, it's just that pride rears its ugly head. But how much better I feel when I actually do it!

Anyway, moving day is coming closer, and around next weekend I will be Provo-bound. Only two more days of work this week and I'll be done at Dick's Sporting Goods. Everything's changing so quickly but it's exciting!

Silence

Wind and snow blew across the almost empty streets of a slumbering New York City. Mikey crammed his fingers under his armpits as he sat against the cold bricks of the building behind him; his parents huddled a few feet away. They still had not forgiven him. But why should they? He had not even forgiven himself. He had let everyone down. He deserved to suffer.

Besides the noise of the cars on the street, it was quiet. Mikey hated the quiet. It reminded him of his loss.

“Not as cold tonight.”

They just ignored him, though he knew they heard him speak. To them, he had remained a silent figure they had to put up with. It hadn’t always been that way. Mikey sometimes smiled at those memories.

Standing on the street corner, his father strumming out the melody on his guitar. Wishing that his dad’s gigs at local bars and shows had kept them out of this situation, and then Mikey wouldn’t have to do this. Heart racing as he stares at the people passing by, almost afraid to let them hear him. But he has to make them hear him! Opening his mouth, Mikey starts to feel it swelling inside of him. Suddenly, he is no longer scared. He wants it to come out, yearns for it, needs it like the food that rarely fills his stomach. The sweet words coming out of Mikey's mouth grab the music from the guitar and stick, wrapping around them like a thread, weaving a quilt that he throws around himself.

People stop.

Tears fill their eyes. The quilt is full of blue, red, orange, yellow, green, magenta, and so many other colors that ears almost can't stand it. They are warmed down deep by the beautiful quilt, hypnotized by the power of Mikey's voice. But Mikey doesn’t notice, he’s no longer there. His parents do. Going from person to person, they barely even feel the wonderful quilt. They may have… once. They desire a different blanket now. A more valuable one…

Then one chilly morning, waking up to find everything he cared about-gone. That brutal assassin, cold, slowly murdering Mikey's voice as he slept on the streets each night. Sucking the life out of his lungs with incessant hacking and coughing, setting his throat on fire. No sound coming from his lips, no matter how much he wished it so. Looking into the eyes of his parents, seeing something die. He was killing it. He was killing hope.

Mikey shivered.

Twinkling stars shimmered.

Through the alley, the wind whistled.

His voice had come back but it wasn’t the same, it had emerged with holes ripped in it, no longer as warm or colorful as it had been so long ago. A tear rolled down his cheek. No longer special, no longer whole. Now that he was broken, no one believed that he had anything worth listening to. His voice no longer instilled greedy hope in his parents, so what good did it do?

Mikey sighed.

The silence was deafening.

©Joseph Whitaker 2010

Sporadic

Okay, so I'm about as good keeping up with a blog as I am with a journal. But now I'm trying to develop myself as a writer, so I need to write everyday... Let's just say I'll be making more of an effort to keep up with this thing.
Big news in this crazy life of mine though: Moving back out to Utah! Very much excited to get back out on my own and get back into actual school, with classrooms and teachers. I'm no good doing online classes, we all know how much of a procrastinator I am, so it will be nice to have more of a set schedule in that respect. Of course, I pumped to see old friends and to make new ones, but I think the thing I'm excited most about is learning how to take care of myself. I've had a semblance of independence in the past, but I've still leaned on my parents for a lot of things. While this isn't them throwing me out on my backside, they aren't going to help me really unless I absolutely need it. And that excites me!! I mean I'm gonna miss being around my family (believe it or not) but I can't say I'm not psyched. Whether I do well or not out there... well that'll be a whole new question.

Driving Contemplations

Tonight, I think about the world. How even though we have all these major differences, we can still all relate as human beings, and most especially as children of God. It's kind of a broad subject to think about but there it is. No one person is exactly the same as the next. We all have different strengths and weaknesses and we never really have life all figured out, though some people are closer than others. We all love, laugh, work, play, eat, breath, sleep, experience joy and sorrow and do many other wonderful things as human beings. 6.5 billion currently. Residing on this planet we call Earth. Can you wrap your head around that?
As you drive in your car and other drivers zoom by you in a rush to get somewhere, do you ever wonder where they are going? What they're life is like? Their family? Their jobs? Beliefs? What they do in the day-to-day? Contemplating for that one second that you see them, then they go zooming off to that other place, the last time you may ever see that individual and share the same road.
You wonder, can our Heavenly Father really know every single one of us? Does He really know all our faults, all our dreams, wishes and desires? Can He really, see the potential in the one in a billion?
And then you sit back in your seat..
Gaze up at the sky..
And smile..
Cause you can feel it. And He does.